Batten down the hatches everyone! Say, “I love you” to all those you hold dear. Stock up on provisions, canned food, water, and a hammer. 😉 (HUGE sigh!) I’m going on vacation next week!
I know what you’re thinking, “But Juli, didn’t you just have a vacation?” Yes, I did. I sold my soul almost twelve years ago in exchange for money, insurance, holiday pay, and paid vacations. I’m maxed out at four weeks paid vacation, but I can only take these weeks during a narrow window of time during the year. Therefore, during the summer months and drifting into fall, I’m on vacation for one week out of every five or six. Sounds pretty cool, right? Well in theory, it is. In actuality, bad things ALWAYS happen when I try to take a vacation.
I use to think other people were just being silly when they pointed out how much my vacations sucked. I tend to have a lot of bad stuff happen around me anyways. I’m not sure why this is, but I’m use to it. It’s normal for me. I’ve come to accept it and I’ve found the humor in it. I find humor in a lot of things! 😉 Over the past few years, I’ve noticed that the REALLY bad stuff tends to happen on my time off. Think I’m being paranoid? I’m not. It just is what it is. My Grandmother and my car died on my last vacation. My friend’s house burned down on the vacation before that. Family deaths, in general, usual occur on my vacation or on one of the few holidays where I’ve been given time off. My mom died on Good Friday. My StepGram-Teppo was buried on my Birthday. My son broke his arm on one of my vacations. I could go on, and on, and on! It’s as though my vacation time is cursed! If bad things aren’t happening to me, they’re happening to those close to me. If the apocalypse were to come, I swear, it would happen on my vacation! It’s gotten so ridiculous, that my coworkers get nervous when they see that I’m going to try and take some time off. I joke that my vacations are cursed, but they’re starting to believe that it might not be a joke. I’ve had several people say to me already, “Juli, don’t go on vacation, just don’t go!”
Sorry to disappoint you all. Sorry in advance for any losses you may have as a result of my vacation time. Hurricanes, pestilence, global warming…I really can’t apologize enough! It’s happening. I’m exhausted. I’m taking the time off!
I’m kicking off my vacation by attending a memorial service for my Grandma-nor, because nothing says “vacation” like a belated funeral! I’m planning on visiting my last living grandparent. She’s pretty feisty, so I think she’ll survive the experience. 😉 My wedding anniversary is next week. The hubby and I are going to at LEAST try to go out to lunch together, but we’ll see how that goes. I don’t want to tempt Fate too much with anything bigger than that, so any other plans need to be kept hush-hush! We usually have to trick Fate when we think she’s not looking! “Umm…Fate? Is that a dog over there? Maybe it’s just a rabid squirrel. Umm…yeah…you should probably check that out.” Then, “Quick! Hurry hunny! Get in the car before Fate sees that we want to go see a movie together!” Fate, Destiny, Luck…none of those b!tc#es seem to like me! Last anniversary, my hubby and I were both so sick with the flu, we could hardly move. Yes, we did get to spend our entire anniversary weekend in bed together, but it’s not very romantic when you have his and her puke buckets. 😉
Have a great day and…be extra careful! 🙂
JH
JULI HOFFMAN 
AHA!!! This was the week my computer went down!!! Well now I know why!!!
LMAO!!!!
sounds like us. For our anniversary last weekend we went to springfield – stopped at the brand new Hy-Vee (this is an odd thing, but I am SO overjoyed about a HY-Vee!) which was packed to the point hubby had a panic attack (grand opening weekend), so I told him to just hang on while I went to the bathroom, only they were cleaning it so I had to wait like ten minutes. Meanwhile he couldn’t take it anymore, so he disappears, long story short I did not explode and finally found him. Then we went to a Halloween store where we bought a fogger (that does not work after we got it home – taking it back for an exchange) and an owl that’s eyes light up (only, they don;t light up, either) and then we went out to dinner where I ordered shrimp – only when it came the waitress THEN says “Oh, sorry, we’ve been out of cocktail sauce ALL day” – really?!?! and you couldn’t mention this when I ordered?!?! SO hubby had to eat his at top speed so I could get mine to go (he had a smothered chicken thing that wouldn’t travel well) then we had to go to a grocery store, buy some cocktail sauce, and I ate it in the car in the parking lot! LOL! Then we came home to discover the purchases did not work so finally I decided I was going to play with the broken camera (mom;s camera – it went wonky and was taking awesomely messed up photos, so she gave it to me) only TADA! it fixed itself!! *sigh* I am the saddest about that because I can just see some creepy tree photos in my head that it would have taken 😦 I thought about throwing it on the ground and stepping on it a few times to see if it would go back, but instead gave it back to her since she wants it working right, anyway, LOL!
However, the puke bucket anniversary of yours wins hands down.
LikeLike
Oh! As a side note, my dad is morally outraged that the restaurant didn’t tell you about the no sauce thing. He got so upset, you’d think it happened to him! TOO Funny!!! 🙂
LikeLike
it was outrageous! I am still outraged – even more so that hubby did not complain! I left him in charge of that while I boxed up dinner and he didn’t do it. he said “I didn’t think you really wanted me to, you always look horrified when I throw a fit” and I tried to explain it is “bad cop/good cop”. He is the bad cop who complains, I play good cop who says, “Now, now, dear” and we walk out with a discount. Hopefully he’s got it now.
LikeLike
Me and my hubby play “bad cop/good cop” too only most of the time, I’m the bad cop. Hard to believe, right? I seem so unopinionated. He! He! My hubby is so easy going, but when he does get upset, watch out!
I once had a sales guy at a cell phone store pat me on the arm and tell me that it might be easier if he explained the cell phone contract to my husband. I guess he didn’t like the fact that I was asking questions about the different service agreements instead of just handing over my wallet! Hubby actually took a step backwards when he saw the guy pat my arm. I yelled at the guy for touching me, reminded him that my ovaries have nothing to do with my intellengence, and got out of their before I ripped his head off. Strange, but I did puchase a cell phone from him. Weird right? When I asked my hubby why he didn’t say anything, he told me that it looked like I was handling things fine on my own. Ah well, I’m pretty good at defending my own honor, but even still, I sometimes thinks he forgets that his wifey “might” still be a delicate flower underneath all of the thorns! 😉
Oh, and I did ACTUALLY say the ovary bit to the sales guy! That cell phone place has changed ownership at least twice since then. Ha!
LikeLike
I think you can feel fairly secure in your marriage, when you’ve made it through the puke bucket anniversary! 🙂
Happy Anniversary Month to all of us!
I was laughing so hard at your comments. I kept thinking, this is like something that would happen to me and my hubby. This could be us! OMG! The eating in the car thing…priceless!!! I had to look up what a HY-Vee was. We don’t have them here. After taking a look at their website, I KNOW the hubby and I would have had to check them out as well. Too funny, Jo!
LikeLike