Random Ramblings

Back on the Hamster Wheel

I fell off the writing wagon.  I know.  I KNOW.  It’s November, NaNoWriMo month.  I should be vomiting up words by now.  I should be wrist deep in carpel tunnel guards with matching novelty socks.

But I’m not.

And…I don’t even care that I’m NOT NaNoing.

Sacrilege!

I couldn’t do it this year.  No NaNoWriMo.  The hamster wheel called me back to my old habits.  Work! Work! Work!  No time for creativity.  No time to recharge.  No time to blog, or write, or paint, or take walks.  One excuse led to another, and another, and ANOTHER.  And here I am, feeling bad about stuff.  New habits are SO hard to establish!

Every year, around this time, I fall off of social media.  It’s not just WordPress.  FaceBook, emails…pretty much everything.  I check in for a couple of minutes every few days, and that’s about it.  No comments.  No new posts.

I don’t know why I drop off the planet as the temperatures drop. It always starts out well enough.  Halloween, my wedding anniversary, fall festivals…when you’re having fun, who has time for social media?  But then…things change.  As it gets colder out, my actions turn sad and hermit-like.  Before you know it, I’m binge-watching Netflix and scrambling to get holiday stuff done.

I knew I wouldn’t be NaNoing this year, so I signed up for Writing 101 and Blogging 201   again, hoping to keep active in the blogging community.  I’ve made some great friends on WordPress, friends that lift my spirits and encourage me.  Good medicine if I want to prevent a hermit migration.  Unfortunately, I haven’t been feeling motivated to write anything related to either class.

So here I am, feeling like a flannel covered blob.  I don’t want to write.  I don’t want to do any of the things that make me happy.  Everything seems like too much effort.  I’m on the hampster wheel.  Running, running, running.  Going nowhere in a hurry. It’s not good.  I know me.  I know how I get when I go too far down this particular road.  Look!  Over there.  I recognize that tree leaf.  You know, like that “new leaf” I’m supposed to be turning over.  LOL

SAM_1145

It’s HARD to turn yourself around, even when you KNOW the path you’re on tends to be destructive.  I know I need to go outside more.  The fresh air helps.  But I look outside my window, and it’s raining again today.  It’s wet, and cold, and gloomy outside.  It’s the kind of day that makes you want to stay in your pajamas and hibernate.  It’s hard to get moving.  It’s hard to get started.  On anything.  And the less I do, the worse I feel because guilt sets in.  I think of all the things I should be doing.  The more guilt I feel, the less I want to do.  It’s a vicious circle of would’ve-should’ve-could’ve.

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9 thoughts on “Back on the Hamster Wheel”

  1. Oh you kindred spirit you (sends virtual hug of understanding and relating). Might I suggest focusing on accepting that this is how fall / winter affect you thus freeing yourself from the guilt of what you “should” be doing. Instead, offer yourself loads of comfort and care – speak kindly to yourself, enjoy being curled up indoors with things that soothe you. Take the feeling as a sign from your body (soul?) that it’s time to stop running for awhile. That wheel (the writing, the happy, the more upbeat feels) will be there when you’re ready to get back on it. There’s nothing WRONG with how you feel right now, and as long as you take care of the basics, consider it good, and cut yourself some slack. (words of advice from one who hibernates like a true cave bear from November to May 🙂 ).

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I miss you, Juli! I love to read your post because you never fail to make me smile. I participated in NaNo for the first time. Had wanted to give up, very tempted to give up! But my little girl who peeps into my unedited raw story wants to read it, and insisted that I finished the story for her! She’ll monitor my target daily!!! LOL…so this keeps me going. I’m 20k short. Hope I can finish it soon as I’ve so many things to do in my agenda.
    Hope to see you soon! 😍

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m going through this right now. I feel so obligated to get edits out for my clients, I neglect my own writing. I need to find a way to make time for my full time job, my housework, editing, AND writing. It’s so hard! So don’t feel like you’re all alone in this. Maybe we all need to work together to get that zeal for writing back. Sometimes, you just have to DO IT. Then maybe the zeal will come back on its own. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I laughed at “vomit”! 🙂 I’m doing NaNo and felt like that yesterday when I didn’t make my personal goal due to “life”.

    “I don’t know why I drop off the planet as the temperatures drop.” – I feel the same thing with winter approaching and sometimes actually enjoy snowstorms because it is an excuse not to leave the house! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I know how you feel. I am incredibly affected by the weather and in winter months I just have a much harder time getting motivated. Taking vitamin D has helped me a bit this year, but not completely! Don’t be too hard on yourself- winter is for staying warm and cozy and hot chocolate!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I fall off every September through October and sort of make appearances through November – it’s weird that we have patterns, isn’t it? But if you don;t want to do any of those things, no reason to make yourself, or those fun things just turn into work that you’ll eventually dread as much as the real work 😉

    Liked by 1 person

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