I fell off the writing wagon. I know. I KNOW. It’s November, NaNoWriMo month. I should be vomiting up words by now. I should be wrist deep in carpel tunnel guards with matching novelty socks.
But I’m not.
And…I don’t even care that I’m NOT NaNoing.
I couldn’t do it this year. No NaNoWriMo. The hamster wheel called me back to my old habits. Work! Work! Work! No time for creativity. No time to recharge. No time to blog, or write, or paint, or take walks. One excuse led to another, and another, and ANOTHER. And here I am, feeling bad about stuff. New habits are SO hard to establish!
Every year, around this time, I fall off of social media. It’s not just WordPress. FaceBook, emails…pretty much everything. I check in for a couple of minutes every few days, and that’s about it. No comments. No new posts.
I don’t know why I drop off the planet as the temperatures drop. It always starts out well enough. Halloween, my wedding anniversary, fall festivals…when you’re having fun, who has time for social media? But then…things change. As it gets colder out, my actions turn sad and hermit-like. Before you know it, I’m binge-watching Netflix and scrambling to get holiday stuff done.
I knew I wouldn’t be NaNoing this year, so I signed up for Writing 101 and Blogging 201 again, hoping to keep active in the blogging community. I’ve made some great friends on WordPress, friends that lift my spirits and encourage me. Good medicine if I want to prevent a hermit migration. Unfortunately, I haven’t been feeling motivated to write anything related to either class.
So here I am, feeling like a flannel covered blob. I don’t want to write. I don’t want to do any of the things that make me happy. Everything seems like too much effort. I’m on the hampster wheel. Running, running, running. Going nowhere in a hurry. It’s not good. I know me. I know how I get when I go too far down this particular road. Look! Over there. I recognize that
tree leaf. You know, like that “new leaf” I’m supposed to be turning over. LOL
It’s HARD to turn yourself around, even when you KNOW the path you’re on tends to be destructive. I know I need to go outside more. The fresh air helps. But I look outside my window, and it’s raining again today. It’s wet, and cold, and gloomy outside. It’s the kind of day that makes you want to stay in your pajamas and hibernate. It’s hard to get moving. It’s hard to get started. On anything. And the less I do, the worse I feel because guilt sets in. I think of all the things I should be doing. The more guilt I feel, the less I want to do. It’s a vicious circle of would’ve-should’ve-could’ve.