My Staff at the Hoffman Haus

There’s so many things that I’d love to be able to get done in a day, but there’s never enough hours.  I’m a tad envious of people who can afford to hire others to do their work for them.  The cleaning bug might bite me, but no permanent damage is ever done, and the familiar chaos comes back…with friends!  In general, if I need to get something done, I better learn how to do it myself.  I’ve become a woman of many talents because of this.  I can put together ANY do-it-yourself furniture, do minor repairs around the house, and changed out the front brakes and rotors on my car.  (Dad helped out a lot with the last one.) 🙂

 Although I may lack the funds for a formal staff, I have been gifted with an active imagination.  I suppose it’s all a matter of perspective. 

 For example, I have four woodchucks living under my house that have been working diligently all summer as my gardeners, ridding my yard of all those pesky flowers I was trying to grow.  I’m astounded by all the time and water I’ve saved!  I could have spent hours taking care of plants, but in a matter of minutes all that responsibility was taking right off my hands, just like magic!  The amazing, disappearing flowers!!! Now you see them.  Now you don’t.  Ta daaa!!!

I’ve got a cat that works day and night for me.  She helps me edit my writing and gives me moral support.  She also doubles as a wrist rest while I’m on my computer.  No carpel tunnel for me!  She slides her fuzzy body right under my arms and stays put.  I might not think I NEED a hairy wrist rest, especially when it is one thousand degrees out, but she knows better, and since she supervises EVERYTHING I write, I suppose she would know best.

 I have a great hair stylist.  I’m pretty sure I have a wolverine that stops by the house while I’m sleeping, fixes my hair, then lets himself out before I get up in the morning.  If you’re the type of person that looks like your hair came out of a shampoo ad, you have NO idea what a wolverine can do for your look and your social life. 

“Sooo…what’s going on with your hair?  Is that a bad weave?  Are you wearing a cheep wig?”

 “Nope.  This is all my own hair.  I must have spent…seconds working on it.” 

“Oh.”  <long pause>  “Well…that’s a cute barrette you’re wearing.” 

I am the MASTER of shoving my hair back in at least a dozen different ways with an innocent looking barrette, all thanks to wolverines.

I used to have a leprechaun floating around that only my previous cat could see.  I’m not sure what his purpose was.  (The cat or the leprechaun.)  Bub would stare at the ceiling, freak out, and run all over the house, knocking things over.  I’m thinking it wasn’t a helpful leprechaun, but none of the other pets seemed to ever be able to detect him.

Then there are the cleaning fairies; they’ve been on strike for a long time.  They used to help out once in a while. 

“Hey, I didn’t know I still had a pair of clean socks in the drawer.” 

“Look, there’s one more clean coffee cup in the cupboard.” 

“Oh, I’ve got another clean work shirt left hanging in the closet.  Now I don’t need to do laundry until tomorrow.” 

I would really appreciate if the cleaning fairies would return, but alas, I’m afraid they are gone for good.  I don’t think they care for the dog.

Which brings me to the last of my staff, my life coach in the form of a 9 lb dachshund.  What can a little, little dog teach you about life?  I ask myself this quite often, as he’s not very good at his job.  Sure he’s great at the daily affirmations, but I don’t trust his judgment for my long-term goals.  Lying in bed and watching old movies, is NOT a good long-term investment plan of my time.  The cat has been talking about taking over his job, but she already has so much else on her plate, what with the 20+ hours of beauty sleep she needs.  We’ll have to see how things go.  The dog hasn’t been life coaching for very long, so there’s room for improvement.

 Yup, with a vivid imagination and a lose grasp of reality, you too can have an entire staff at your disposal with little or no funds.  I feel SOOO much better about my situation.  I might need to have a staff meeting after this post.  The water dish is only half-full; instead of overflowing-full the way they like it.  I’d hate to have new management called in, i.e. the hubby. 😉

JH