Beta Reading, Writing

Book Reviews I Could Have Given, But Didn’t

In general, I don’t do book reviews anymore.  If it’s a story within my genre, I won’t review it.  If I’ve Beta read it, in my eyes, it’s COMPLETELY off limits for me to review because my little “fingies” touched it.  If it’s something totally unrelated to anything I would ever write, my “fingies” never touched it, and I REALLY enjoyed the book, I might make an exception.

For example, if I read a GREAT book about little watchdogs who lay under their effing blankets all day and do nothing…I might be inclined to write a review for said book because:  A) I own a dog who sleeps all day long while I work as his slave, and so I know a great deal about this subject, and B) I have NO plans to ever write a similar book myself.

Now, some of you might say, “But Juli, the only way an author can get noticed on Amazon is through reviews!”  And…you’d be right.  I’ve seen authors use all sorts of tactics to solicit reviews.  Heck, I just read an ebook that had the NICEST solicitation I think I’ve ever read.  However, I can’t see myself ever reviewing this book.  That’s just how I roll.

Now it’s been brought to my attention that perhaps I’ve been wrong all this time.  Today, a friend shared this link with me about a product sold on Amazon, The Hutzler 571 Banana Slicer.  Have you SEEN this product?  You really should.  I was told I had to read the reviews.  Almost instantly, I realized there were TONS of reviews within me that I could have written, but didn’t!

Here are a few examples for your reading pleasure:

* * * *

This vampire story was very well written.  I enjoyed the characters, and the fight scenes were great.  However, I could only give this story four stars instead of five, due to the lack of aliens.  I read through the entire story, beginning to end, and there wasn’t even ONE alien.  OK, there was a character or two that might have been an illegal alien, but I hardly think that counts.  In general, I find there’s an appalling lack of aliens in these so called “modern” vampire stories.  Soooo disappointing.

* *

I purchased the paperback copy of this book, but when I received it in the mail, I was VERY frustrated.  The back cover will only hold a small coffee mug.  There’s no room for anything else.  I just bought a similar book for the SAME price and I can set BOTH my coffee mug and a small sandwich plate on the back cover.  The  image shown made this book appear to be much bigger. 

* * *

I bought the ebook version of this book, but I thought there’d be more pictures and less words.  The product description claimed this book contained 384 pgs.  That’s a lot of words.

* * * * *

I spilled coffee on my desk today.  Thank goodness I had this book with me.  It’s super absorbent!  I’ve got to tell you, I think it saved my laptop.  I’ll be sure to tell all my friends.  BUY this book!  I give it FIVE stars!!!!!


See?  I could have been writing reviews after all…or not.  LMAO!!!

Have a great day!


PS…A parting shot.

Not only does Jim Butcher write a captivating novel, his new book, Cold Days, is large enough to double as a trivet in an extreme emergencies.  Most authors aren't that thoughtful these days.  ;)
Not only does Jim Butcher write a captivating novel, his new book, Cold Days, is large enough to double as a trivet in an extreme emergency. Most authors aren’t that thoughtful these days.  One of the many reasons to love his works!   😉

4 thoughts on “Book Reviews I Could Have Given, But Didn’t”

  1. LMAO!! Yeah, they are better than some I’ve gotten 😉 Ha ha! The banana slicer has some fun ones, doesn’t it? It became kind of a … not meme but “thing” I guess (there”s a word I want but my sleep deprived brain can’t find it) to leave funny reviews on it and several other weird products.


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