Goodbyes

It’s the first of December, the beginning of the month that ends this year. It’s a bittersweet time for me. If all goes according to plan, my place of business will be closed by the end of this year.

Yeah.

You read that correctly.

There’s been a LOT going on in my work life. My stress levels have been WAY off the charts for a good portion of this year.   I don’t know what’s going to happen.   I realize that the future is ALWAYS an unknown variable, but you assume certain things. Lights will go on when you flip the switch. The wheel of life keeps turning. But, when you’ve given almost fifteen years to the same company, it’s scary to face that fact that your job isn’t guaranteed. There are variables that out of my hands. I am hoping for a position within my company at a different location. But…I don’t what will happen. I’m afraid of facing a loss in income. I’m scared of starting over again, in a new location with a different management team and new coworkers. It’s tough facing so many changes and decisions.

Meanwhile, I still have a job to do. I have responsibilities. There are steps that need to happen. Steps that have already begun. Businesses DON’T close themselves. Each day has its challenges. We’re in the middle of the holiday season, a busy time for those of us who work retail, but there’s a rhythm to the season. A cadence. If you work at the same job long enough, you plan ahead. You don’t react to the season. You know what’s coming up and when, and you prepare for it.

A business closing also has its own rhythm and timing. There are steps that are taken over the course of several weeks during the transition.   I’ve gone through a closing before and survived virtually unscathed. They’re not easy, but the work itself keeps your mind active. You don’t have a lot of time to indulge in melancholy. You don’t have time to think about anything until you get a day off from work. That’s when you start thinking about, “What if…” That’s when the worrying sets in.

I’m fine as long as I keep moving. Yesterday was a good day at work. I felt like I got a LOT accomplished. I could physically see everything that got done. I managed a great crew. It’s a wonderful feeling to lead a team with a FANTASTIC work ethic. When everyone works together, the energy is empowering!   But today, at home, I don’t feel like a leader. I’m scared.   I worry about my crew. I hope they’ll all find new “homes” within the company. I hope they’ll be appreciated for their loyalty. It’s not easy for any of us to take apart the store we helped to build. It’s not easy to say goodbye to customers that have been with us so long, they’ve become friends.

And still, the wheel of life keeps turning.

What if… What if… What if…