I’ve been doing a lot of soul-searching, especially towards the end of this past year. I am NOT the same person I was in my thirties, or in my twenties, or in my teens. I have bean gleaning wisdom from the little child I once was, the little girl who liked to play with dolls, who dreamed of doing amazing things one day, who imagined that ANYTHING was possible. That little girl believed that everything you could ever want to learn about could be found in a book. You didn’t have to imagine things from scratch. You could build on the information that was already there!
Back in the day, Little Juli thought the library was the most important and magical place on the planet. (Still do.) Sooooo many books. Soooooo many subjects. It was all there, the WHOLE WORLD! All I had to do, is get on my bicycle, do a lot of peddling, and this world was mine for the borrowing. For a young girl who hadn’t had much experience with travel or adventures, my small town library was a sanctuary. It was my safe place. The adults in that place treated me with respect. If I saw another kid in there, they didn’t look down on my for being a nerd-girl. I was reading books in the adult sections of the library: Mysteries, Science Fiction, and Fantasy. Sure, I still read books by authors like Beverly Cleary. But unlike the other little girls my age, I read MORE than just the Ramona Quimby books. I read everything my library had available by this author. I read “Fifteen” and “Sister of the Bride.” I read one of her memoirs. (Although now, I can’t remember which one.)
When you haven’t had enough life experience, anything and everything seem possible.
And then…adulthood sets in. I wanted my first car. I barely made it out of highschool and it’s time for college. There’s dating. Marriage. Career. House. Pets. Family. (Not necessarily in that particular order, but all important stuff.)
I’m not saying I have regrets. I LOVE my life. I LOVE my hubby and kiddo. They are AMAZING. I just wish that I’d stopped more along the journey, that I’d paid more attention. The last 20-30 years slipped by like a blur. I was so busy and yet…I don’t feel like I have enough to show for it. Most of my “busy” had been wasted on unimportant things: work, cleaning, and the day to day drudgeries we all experience. I don’t think I consciously took enough time building memories with my family. I was floating through life. The best parts of my childhood were mostly forgotten.
So here I am, in my middle-years thinking, Is it too late to take up new skills? Am I too old to try new things? If not now, then when??? Little Juli was hopeful, yet afraid. I am no longer that child. Mature Juli is confident, yet pessimistic. Mature Juli has resources available to her of the variety Little Juli could only fantasize about. The Internet?! That’s like something straight out of Science Fiction!!!
I think if I could just tap into Little Juli’s spirit and combine that with Mature Juli’s wisdom and experience…the next few years could be really, REALLY interesting. And FUN!!!