I’m a bit under the weather this morning. I felt it coming on last night while I was at work. Hubby’s had a cold. Kiddo had a cold. And now…I have a cold.
So, I did what I do. Perfectionism at its finest! I threw together every cliché I could think of for warding off sickness, like the cartoon version of a witch, minus the cackling. (Cackling is hard on a dry throat. Who knew?)
- Chicken soup…CHECK!
- Or was it vegetable soup…better throw that in the pot, too. CHECK!
- And rice? Isn’t that supposed to ease digestion? You’re supposed to feed rice and boiled chicken to your dog if it gets in the trash, or at least that’s what the vet recommended for my in-law’s dog. I feel trashy. Hmm… Adding rice to the pot…CHECK!
- STIR. And wheeze. And sniff. And wipe. And STIR!
- Ingore the hubby’s comments that you can’t get rid of a cold in one meal.
- And STIR.
- Mawhaaaahaaaa!!!! (Evil laughs are easier on the throat than cackling. Why doesn’t anyone else SHARE this helpful information?)
What else? Time for the Internet…
- Vitamins…Already taking them. CHECK!
- How about some ibuprofen for the achiness? YUMMY!!! Oooh! And my knee feels better. Bonus.
- Tea? Sure!!! Depending on your geography, tea cures everything. Right? Better put the kettle on.
- Sift through boxes and boxes of herbal teas. Ignore “best use by” dates. Does tea go bad? Brain feels “froggy.” Knock 3 boxes of tea onto the counter.
- Stir pot of soup.
- More evil laughter from me.
- More unhelpful comments from hubby and some Facebook cat videos. Aren’t cat videos supposed to be helpful? Ummm…sure. I think I must have read that…somewhere? Hubby’s videos featuring adorable kittens are probably chock-full of healing properties. And who doesn’t love kittens? KITTENS!!!
- Stir pot of soup. It’s getting mushy. Mushy soup is heathy soup. Yes? No? Better turn off the stove.
- Kettle is whistling. Did I actually pick out a tea flavor, or did I just test the gravity around the tea boxes? I think it’s the latter. What’s good for a cold? I have ginger tea…possibly leftover from my maternity days, or possibly purchased more recently by my hubby. Kiddo is in Jr High School, so I’m hoping it’s the latter. I’m fairly sure it’s the latter…Again, can tea really go bad? Hmm…
- OH!!! Hey, I’ve got camomile. Benjamin Bunny drank camomile tea. Or was it Peter Rabbit. I’m a little fuzzy on my Beatrix Potter, but I’m sure I read it in one of those books. Can you use TWO teabags at once? If you’re a rebel, you can do all sorts of things. Plus, the goal is to purge the sickness out of me in one sitting.
- Garlic bread! Garlic keeps away vampires, right? And garlic is supposed to do something for sickness, or immunity, or maybe it just keeps everyone away. There MIGHT be garlic in garlic bread? I’m not sure. It was in the freezer and only a dollar when I bought it. So…garlicly results may vary, but it’s sure to be tasty with my soup concoction. Into the oven it goes.!!
- Looky there, I’ve got fresh lemons. And kiddo said I wouldn’t use them. HA! I bought them in a citrus grab bag on Wednesday. Oranges, lemons, and two types of limes, all in one bag for 99 cents. SOLD! I think the produce guys were just clearing out their onesies/twosies. It’s like fate squirted lemon juice right in my eye so I’d have fresh lemon juice on hand for my tea. Thanks Fate! You’re a peach! (Also in the grab bag.)
- Plus, I have Vernors in the house. Which doesn’t go in my anything, but if you live in Michigan, you’d know we believe that Vernors isn’t JUST a carbonated ginger ale beverage. It also has magical healing powers and tastes great with a scope of vanilla ice cream.
- Honey. That’s supposed to help a cold. Like Vernors, I think it also has magical healing powers. Do I have honey? Yes, I inherited a small jar of honey when my parents moved out of state. Don’t ask!
- Honey, lemon, and two tea bags. Do I have a mug big enough to contain it all? I am a coffee drinker. My coffee mugs are the stuff of legends. Can tea cross-dress? Wow, I’m a bad influence, even on my tea. Cross-dressed tea it is!
*Warning, should you decide to try my cold remedy, be advised that I am NOT in the medical profession. I did take an anatomy class in college. Twice. The same class because I didn’t do so hot the first around. Woops!
**Also don’t forget to take the garlic bread out of the oven. I didn’t set a timer. Umm…yeah. I didn’t burn it. Don’t judge! Check the stove, make sure you turned it off. And the oven. And the stove again. Check like…3 times, just to be sure. And like…wash your hands multiple times. And remind yourself you’re not being obsessive/compulsive. You’re just being really, REALLY careful. Because of the “frogs.” In your brain. Scary!
***Also, I still have a cold. So the self-prescribed one sitting cold remedy didn’t exactly HEAL me, but I’m sure the placebo effect isn’t hurting anything. Yet. Unless you can get sick from ancient tea bags. In which case, I’m in BIG trouble.
****Oh! And REAL cats have more healing powers than video cats, or so says the cat sitting next to me. But DON’T try to watch cat videos, with your cat, with a laptop on your lap, while holding a giant cup of Methuselah’s tea. Just don’t do it. Trust me on this!
*****And wash your hands after reading this post. Eww!! Germs. Gross.